Life, Love, and Looking Out for Happiness...


My name is Delma.  In May of 2011 after an intense and anxiety-ridden search for happiness in the midst of my husband's life-threatening journey into kidney failure, I woke up to a simple but startling truth that uprooted everything I thought I knew about life and reality, love and suffering.   

What was the discovery?  That each moment of this Life is already a completely fresh and clean slate, with absolutely no exceptions and no regrets.  That there is no need to grasp for happiness.  There has never been a history of anxiety or years of baggage, and there is no future  that needs to be worried about.  Not only that, but everything is always Just. Fine.  That LOVE WINS ALL.

How was this realized?  Through the clear and practical seeing that there is no separate and inherent me here being threatened by the events of life, that life, even in its most heartwrenching moments, is whole, rich, juicy, all-inclusive, and awe-inspiring. 

And here comes the part where I tell you why I started this blog... 

Not only do I not inherently exist, but You don't either.  And that is Your freedom from anxiety, suffering, and stress.  In the past few years alone, this very practical truth of reality has been shared with thousands of people, for free.  Without a catch.

If that notion makes sense to you on some level, or if you'd like to work on seeing that there is no separate Self, I'm paying it forward in this blog so that you can discover this truth.  And if you're into keeping score to know whether the pointers here are successful, I've been working one on one with dozens of people just like you, since May, 2011.   This work to see through the illusion of a separate self is free.


Listen.  Stop seeking.  Start looking.

For inquiry how-to, visit my blog Lill Inquiries, a lighthearted look at step-by-step investigation of reality, otherwise known as the Direct Path

Update:  My husband received a transplant in December 2011 and as of this update in October 2015, he is alive and fully thriving.  My love and unimaginable appreciation goes to donor families everywhere.  And my heartfelt and very best best wishes go to recipients, and those waiting to receive.  For now, fully dwell in your hope and in the love of friends and family.



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I'm posting my original thread from a now defunct forum, Ruthless Truth.  That forum was where I learned to "Just Look", and within days saw that I was not as I seemed.  Following is my post in which I explain 'my' moment of insight and its implications.

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Punked?

Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 10:21 pm
by Thassa
Last Sunday after a couple of weeks of reading (yet more new) posts on this site, then finding the exercises on no-self.com, I dropped all the assumptions and spiritual "knowledge" and justlooked. Plain and simple.

(and now it's amazing how easy it was if your advice had been followed from the beginning.)

Yes, I saw my computer monitor. I saw my lamp... the mouse, the pen, the windows, sheets of paper, legs, arms, fingers, and became annoyed by a film of the tiniest specks of dust. Then I looked for the smallest evidence of a tangible Me. That's when it first hit. How was is possible to see a single speck of dust more clearly than I could see a Me? Where the hell was I? And if I wasn't able to find myself RIGHT THERE WHERE I THOUGHT I WAS SITTING, then WHERE COULD I POSSIBLY BE?

It's plain and simple. Look for the Me, the Myself, the Self, the Doer, the Thinker, the Seer, the Hearer and you'll not even be able to find something less than those specks of dust piling up on the printer.

But that still wasn't where the joke came in. That came after continuing to read posts and coming to the understanding what we "seekers" (who are nothing more than a big cluster or string of thoughts) are doing.

The punchline?

Nothing is looking all over the place for Nothing and can't find it. But Nothing insists that it must be Something and argues with No One who tells Nothing to look for itself. 

Nothing finds not a shred of real evidence, but thoughts which come from Nowhere continue to spiral into existence, convincing Nothing of its apparent Somethingness.


As Punks go, this is the big One.

Ready for a confirmation or is there more work to do?

Re: Punked?

Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 10:26 pm
by viv
Do you feel like there's more work to do?

You got any more questions?

Re: Punked?

Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 10:29 pm
by viv
thassa wrote:How was is possible to see a single speck of dust more clearly than I could see a Me? Where the hell was I? And if I wasn't able to find myself RIGHT THERE WHERE I THOUGHT I WAS SITTING, then WHERE COULD I POSSIBLY BE?


This ^^^^ is particular gold.

Re: Punked?

Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 10:36 pm
by danmc
Fucking hilarious, ain't it? Although I do have to admit that I wanted to cry a bit, seeing how I spent 25 years trying to figure it out!

Re: Punked?

Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 11:44 pm
by Thassa
viv wrote:Do you feel like there's more work to do?

You got any more questions?



No more questions, Viv. I'm free. Knocked the questions right out of me, except for one. Can I help?, and if so, any recommendations for learning how to best do so is welcome. I'm going to keep reading and hanging around here because the process of watching a "pop" is amazingly good to see.

Re: Punked?

Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2011 11:47 pm
by Thassa
danmc wrote:F'ng hilarious, ain't it? Although I do have to admit that I wanted to cry a bit, seeing how I spent 25 years trying to figure it out!


But then it's still funny, right? Because no one spent 25 years, and yet saying that is completely accurate. The world's an even stranger place than I thought. There's room for understanding, communicating and remembering the "I" even when you know it's not real.

Mind blowing, ain't it?

Re: Punked?

Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 12:00 am
by danmc
The I's not real, but there's still the jibber jabbering going on...background talk in a coffee shop. All the time, they were never talking about me. Yes...it's funny!

Re: Punked?

Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 12:06 am
by viv
Thassa wrote:

No more questions, Viv. I'm free.

Knocked the questions right out of me, except for one. Can I help?, and if so, any recommendations for learning how to best do so is welcome.


Can you help? Hell, yeah.

Any recommendations? Just do it. Dive in.

Doing it is the best way to do it.

Thassa wrote:I'm going to keep reading and hanging around here because the process of watching a "pop" is amazingly good to see.


Innit, though. Nothing better. But don't just hang around, get in there and get wet.

Re: Punked?

Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 8:36 pm
by Thassa
I'm back with a rant for StepVheN so that this is confirmed.

There's no real need for a rant about anything but this. That's my experience now. The construct built with circular logic is false. There is no entity here, just an endless string of thoughts. And yes, it's a string, not even a cluster. The joke is that there wasn't even an "I" to build it, and there's no "I" seeing through it. Seeing through is just happening.

Reality is seeing.
Reality is hearing.
Reality is thought.

It's just that an "I" thought is attached to each one. Why? Who knows. Who cares. It''s just a thought. And they pop up unsolicited and unwarranted. Half may be useful when they refer to functional things like building a house, but thoughts can be dismissed. They're real in that they occur, but they're basically ether. Some are outright false. For instance, the thought "Pigs are blue, striped, and fly by flapping their ears" can occur, but there's no basis in reality. It's not a tangible thing. Same with the "I". The best part is that a picture of that blue flying pig can be created. No-can-do for the "I".

Less than ether. It's non existant, a Zero. Nada. Nothing. Never was. All there's ever been is a long link of thoughts. And thoughts happen just one at a time, so the linking happens repeatedly to continually construct the I. That's a lot of work. Once that's seen through, the work stops, and THAT's how and why I'm free. (and yes, I realize that sentence seems to contradict itself, but the construct of the I can still be used because that's the only way a semblance of communication can happen.)

The experience now is deliciously empty. Room for the whole world without some thought construct filtering everything. That's why the rant isn't necessary, but there's no one to care whether one is typed out here or not. There's the thought of an "I" that wants to help others see the lie, but how are there others? Doesn't matter though. The messages are here, the help seems to be solicited, the thought to respond happens.

Every day new insights have come in. I (and I'm going to use the "I" word now, for clarity).... anyway, some questions have been answered:

Why is it when someone dies, the whole world just seems to carry on?

What's the point of accumulating a whole lot of stuff that'll get thrown out one day, sold, willed to someone, or otherwise lost? Who OWNS this, really? How do you OWN something? Isn't THAT concept just a thought?

Why is it people seem to have conversations with each other without actually listening, just waiting for their turn to tell a story about "themselves", as if constantly trying to prove something?

Why do a lot of people feel isolated/lonely in the middle of a crowd of people?

There's more. But the fact that there's no Me and no You very neatly answers a whole lot. Not only is it proven with just one look, it makes sense. Perfect, logical sense.


Enough for a confirmation?

Re: Punked?

Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 9:21 pm
by StepVheN
Lovely, welcome to Ruthless Truth