Monday, January 16, 2012

Compassion Games

My husband's just recently had a double organ transplant and as I write this I'm sitting here in his hospital room.  This is a return admission.  He was discharged at the end of December then developed very high fevers a week ago.  After several days of testing, the doctors still don't know what it is.

That's the story.

Here's the reality of it:  The "wringing of hands" that usually accompanies the watch over a sick spouse or loved one seems to be absent.  It's because of a realization brought on by discussions with StepVhen who writes a powerful blog post over at BurningTrue,  Honesty and Comfort.

Reading it, I realized that all of the years "I've" suffered for my husband's illnesses was due to selfishness, a thought pattern which allowed the perception of an identity as a "good wife" suffering for a "good cause". 

It was all about the creation and sustaining of a ME.

In truth, there is no such thing as suffering for another.  It's not even possible!  How exactly would that work?  Would the person feel your suffering and get better?  Would their feeling your angst or worry help their situation?

There's no suffering for the homeless, the starving, the sick.  Honest compassion which comes from realizing the lack of a self, opens wide the world.  It leaves nothing but life, happening, and allows an unselfish caring for another.  Rather than using that cause or person to prop an idea, a notion of a good and kind, compassionate self, action can be taken to comfort or assist without selfish motivation impeding the process.  Does that mean that sadness, anxiety, or worry doesn't arise?  Yes.  It does continue.  But take a look at why it comes and whether there is a "who" that it serves.  If it points back to a sense of self, complete with attached emotional payload, it's the very defintion of self serving.

True compassion isn't owned or claimed by anyone, and no suffering should ever impede the process of aiding another. 


  1. Love your Honesty and Clarity. Very useful. thank you.

  2. Thanks, Adan. Compassion has become a buzzword with diluted meaning and Stephen's post was a solid reality check.


thanks for the thoughts...